Many so-called awakening beings are chasing the light, but the light is going to be found in the shadow and the new gifts are in the shadow and the shadow awaits Awareness to be consumed by the light within the shadow. It's like an initiation, rather like discovering that whatever as Awareness we have awakened to, can only live in entering the shadow and the light within the shadow awaits for an entirely different embodiment.

It is that shadow that strips Awareness naked of the known and in the nakedness of the known we can feel very, very vulnerable. So we reach out to grab hold of the known and then there is shame and guilt about grabbing hold of the known. Fear comes from not seeing the shadow's invitation that is actually taking you as Awareness into what you deeply realise and deeply know is Love. But it takes everything from you that you could ever identify with.

You can hang onto doubts and fears but they're actually calling cards of the unknown and the unnameable, where all our old visions of what we thought we would need are just collapsing, burning ,crumbling. It is not the known that can support this transition. You might cry out: "I don't know! I don't know! “ then you will hear a silent, steadfast call in return: ”Not knowing is the Good, is the Real, is What You Are.”

The old vision can collapse. What you imagined you needed can fall apart , mentally emotionally , socially, sexually ..actually ...You may even hear right now how the mind is still playing tennis with this… .

Minds cannot come here, but YOU can. You as Awareness. You are the light of Awareness. That's what we are and we are only looking for what we are.

Is it here as you go into a cafe? Is it here as you go into the city. Is it here as you go into a relationship. Is it here as you finish it. Is it here? How do I enter? Which door is it? It is HERE in not knowing. It is here in being consumed by not knowing. It is here.

It takes the willingness to hear that and surrender to it in its ugliness, in its terribleness, in its screaming and its shouting and levels of the old branches saying: “You need to stay with this or with that. This shouldn't be happening.." These are all doors into not knowing.

Not knowing is wonderful. Not knowing is terrible. Not knowing is beautiful. Not knowing is freedom. Somehow in not knowing we match perfectly our Pure Being as Awareness. No need to find the door. You have discovered you are already in it as it. Just as all the need for doors and finding the doors falls away, one discovers perception, rightness clarity, living-ness in the body IS here.

If you were to truly awaken you will always be taken to completely surrender everything you have known. And everything cries out: " Don't do that! Don't go there! “ Inside it cries and outside in our society, in Hollywood and on TV and everywhere else. When you have really seen through that, then all your guilt and shame is seen to be only a door in the return to and as the Beloved. A complete re-visioning happens. A revisioning in and beyond one's heart.

Not a re-visioning that belongs to someone but one that is VERY alive, is the paint and the colour and the in-depth feeling of being divinely human. Everything begins to truly live. One look towards one of the old branches and it will all seem to collapse because it cannot move with any touch of the past or even of the future.

It is the Beloved revisioning its new form. Healing then is our return into pure aware Knowing, not needing to know. This is where true deep healing takes place. A sensitivity , a compassion for the human-ness , the feeling of that , the willingness to feel it all passing away, which allows what is deeply Next to arrive.

“ The light is found in the shadow. The new gifts are in the shadow.“

from Stockholm 2019