"Real Awakening is knowing your self inside out and yet realising the Beyond."
"You cannot discover what is deeper as a sense of self, you have to be true to what you are as Awareness at the level of your heart. You get entrance into the deep by not being a 'someone'."
"When the deep arrives on a level it is entering, it plays the game of twoness, plays the game of many-ness and for this level to realise deeper You have to go through this."
"Because we stay with the ideas of the mind, the mind can't get any higher. We keep it limited to our belief system that is a hand-me-down from generation after generation."
"Can you as a someone reach the no-one? Or do you have to become a no-one to enter the no-one, which is the Only One? "
"When man and woman come together they're going to lose their self identity. If they're not, it is not profound Love. Things undo when you truly come together, very deep things that you didn't even know were still there. This will happen."
"The Masculine and Feminine principles are seeking each other in form, right now in this moment in every breath, to meet each other in the deep."
"Most of What You Are is unseen, This (physicality, the body) is just one fragment of You."
"The object of Knowing is to reflect to You that you know you know What You Are. The Pure Mind objectifies that Knowing and forms a sense perceptible person."
"Give up thought and feeling as being a reliable source to tell you what you are. Know deeper than your self experience."
"Re-discover what You first Are. The way to do that? Be true to your heart."
"When you allow the whole system of your humanness to empty out and you remain totally open as Awareness in this, the body reconfigures in the likeness of where you are now coming from."
"Walk your innermost light. Let that be your way. Don’t imprint it – discover it fresh and new, Now."
"Our confusion is that we have misidentified ourselves as a body-mind that has so many wants and so many needs but the truth is we are already total, we are already whole."
"As you return to your heart, to your Being, your sense of self begins to dissolve the impressions that you are a particular someone."
"Your body is a movement of the Unseen coming up and forming - Here and Now."
"You got trained to believe that you're a body-mind moving but what you are is the movement of the Sublime, the movement of the All-powerful, the movement of the One."
"The masculine and feminine principle seek each other in form and if they find you worthy, they will enter the dharma of your relatedness."
"You can realise God, if that is the word that touches your heart, with another that is prepared to totally self empty with each breath. Then this is a faster path, although it is pathless, than endeavouring to sit in a cave and realise your Self."
"Every choice you ever make, you Awareness, whilst you have a body, is a movement of pure energy and pure consciousness that manifests the experience of where you are now coming from."
Be Clear as to What You Are
When you are truly clear as to What You Are, you clearly see that each moment is moved by What You Are. You are manifesting What You Are and your body registers what you are being, whether you are being a limited self or whether you are being one with what you first deeply are. Your body registers this right Now.
Transforming The Subconscious
When we have real and intimate conversations like this one, that transforms our subconscious until there is no subconscious. It is rather like you ‘dying’. When your body drops away, you will face the subconscious,you will go through it. Why not go through it whilst you are alive and awaken the subconscious to what You deeply are...? For What You Are is the brightness of Pure Living Awareness.
Man & Woman - One Movement, One Being Manifesting Only In This Moment
The reflection between man and woman goes far deeper than just 'a man and a woman'. There are deeper levels of our Being endeavouring to come up to give expression to true Union. So that a masculine and a feminine form, a man's body and a woman's body can be One Movement of One Being manifesting only in that moment.
Such a manifestation of such a Love will empty out who we once believed we were. How we are as a man, how we are as a woman. A deeper connection with another is designed to empty out the limited idea of who we are, that we can reach into the 'other' as beings beyond our own sense of self, beyond the other's sense of self. That is what Love is, the willingness not to stay the same as our father's fathers and mother's mothers, not to identify through thoughts and feelings of the past but through the light of this moment.
For instance a man can see you deeper than you see your self and if he is willing to go there, his willingness to go there is going to undo his limitation, it is going to undo his old way. It works the other way too, that if you see a man in the light of his heart, in the light of your heart then that is going to undo you too. Most of us are not so willing to go there because we are going to get radically changed and there is nothing much to hold onto. All one can do is merge into that Calling and that is not easy because you are going to go through the eye of a needle.
To truly come into deeper union with another you will be called to go beyond your sense of self. Both of you will have to go beyond how your mind tells you what you are inside and out.
Woman's Magic
A woman has a particular magic - she has this magic, whether she knows it or not, that can get right into a man's interior and turn it inside out. Just with a glance she can do her work in his heart and she doesn't really know this mystery is activated in her and it will go to where it needs to go to . In a very similar manner that is what happens when a man reaches beyond a woman's surface level. Really it is this invitation for both to move into this deeper alignment with why they were called together.
It is scary and it can be difficult and much undoing takes place. It is not all roses and romance. I am not saying there is no Love that opens up, yes there is Love and there are moments of Love that are beyond anyone's wildest expectation as the body opens, as the heart opens, the mind opens and as our humanness opens beyond, to where the Masculine and Feminine are already one. But once that enters there is another stage of undoing that begins to happen.
Self-Emptying
As long as you have form your sense of self, your sense of person, your body-mind will be emptied. It is a very ancient teaching to 'empty out'. What you are really realising fills up only through emptying out. One can empty out and be filled up because the moment you are true to your heart, that allows a level of your self, that you actually completed and are finished with, to empty. Then that allows your Being to fill that level up. But emptying out a level of self will show up in your thoughts, it will show in your feeling, in your life and in your relationship. Everything is made manifest on this level so that you can see and know What You Are and how it moves all the way up to manifestation.
Real Awakening is knowing your self inside out and yet realising the Beyond. You can realise the Beyond but whilst you have a body you are still going to be experiencing the transformation of the sense of self. Because the deep can't enter this level unless there is a match of frequency.
It's wonderful, it's a matter of Love to come into this and you will never come to the bottom of it ,you will never fully understand it and yet you will know what this transformation is and then as you embody the transformation you understand what just took place. It knows no beginning or end because we are infinite .
What Remains - Pure Awareness: You
There is evolution inside and evolution outside, they are one movement. What I say we are is:Pure Awareness. We are all aware of the room we are in and if you took everything out of this room and you are still sitting there and you have taken every thing out, you would still be aware.
Your Awareness actually has within it the entire Cosmos. This is my realisation and more. You are that Awareness and from what you deeply are Light just emerged. It just happened. It came from What You Are - Awareness. That is the Light of Awareness, sometimes called the Self. The Self is your Awareness that is streaming the entire Cosmos. This is one stream called human-ness that you are now aware of. But you can become so much more of what is moving this stream you call 'me' or 'I' . You can travel back into it and therefore discover that All This is taking place because of What You already are. Everything. It obeys the law of being true to what you believe you are. Whatever you believe you are manifests in your experience .Whatever! That's the law of the Cosmos. It must be true to your Awareness in your Knowing. The body mind is metaphysical, this body has deeper levels than just the manifest physical and that is what is moving us to be together 'Now'.
Your Body Is Not Your Home - On Illness
Q: Why does a good person get a terminal disease?
B : You mean only bad people should get a terminal disease?
Q: Yeah!
B: Everything moves as it moves. The deep doesn't judge as the mind would judge, good and bad, up and down, in and out. To your Being everything is one with it. Everything. It doesn't judge. So you don't get illness because you are bad. It just is what moves and whatever you need is going to be manifesting in the moment. Whatever you need your Being will bring to you. Whether it doesn't feel good or not, your Being doesn't know that, it just brings you exactly what you need to realise what your Being is.
Q: I am not sure I understand
B: Your question implies a polarity in terms of good and bad.
Q: I understand this but I ask this because this is really close to me. My mum, one of the best people I know, a very very good heart who has all her life given to others in many many aspects and many many ways and she has cancer for the second time in her life.
B: That's not an easy journey but whatever she has, she has. It is not easy but she has it and she is eternal, What she Is, is eternal. This (body & physicality) is not her home. Her home is 'her'. She is already home in her. Her heart is home. This body is not your home. This is just a level of you. You are your home, You who is listening to these words now. You are Home itself. You will discover, that when the body drops away you are free of all these ideas where you believed the body has more value than being What You Are. The body only has value whilst you are being What You Are and in being What You Are you will love the value of illness, you will love the value of pain, you will love the value of how everything within this manifest realm has supreme integrity. Although this kind of Love will sweetly break your heart, you will love it because it shows you what It Is as you allow this integrity to call you home whilst you have form. But you need to be willing to be cracked open by it.
Whatever is going on with your mother... it is beautiful that you love her so much. That is of value and if it hurts, let it hurt and you will find a greater sweetness and communion with her. If her illness has you deeply feeling for her, well that is wonderful, if it has you appreciating life, her life and your life and Life, that's wonderful! It will give you access into the deeper realms of your Being but you must let your mystery do its work.
The Object of Knowing
Q: I don't fully understand your words but when I close my eyes I have this sensation in my body in listening to you. I don't know exactly what it is but I know there is something here for me.
B: What I am pointing towards is beyond your mind but if you get to hear this as a heart, your mind will give up trying to work anything out. Your mind will stay wide open and clear. When the heart shines through the mind, the mind knows exactly what that is and it serves only that. Then you discover that your mind is way, way bigger than any idea you might have about what 'the head' is. Your mind is streaming lights that go far beyond this level that you understand. It is beyond your understanding because it functions from YOU but you don't understand what You truly Are. You can begin to!
Your mind has such clarity. When you come to your heart your mind will give up trying to understand anything. Then it shines with the heart and you have instant Knowing. That Knowing is You instantly knowing What You Are. You are Knower. You are Knowingness. Your are Knowing knowing you know. Here on this level you transform, but you know you know. 'Here' your mind objectifies Knowing. The object of Knowing is to reflect to You that you know you know What You Are. The Pure Mind objectifies that Knowing and forms a sense perceptible person.
There is no need to understand this and the less you try to understand this, the more you do because you are beginning to understand You . You can only ever understand 'You', be 'You', know 'You', see 'You',taste 'You', touch 'You'. You can only ever understand 'What You Are' and What You Are is appearing as everything that you could possibly ever see,touch or taste.
You Are Innocence
When you give up thought and feeling as being a reliable source to tell you what You Are, you begin to know deeper than your self experience. In this you transcend your self and as you transcend your self, by knowing deeper than your self experience, this then includes your self . That is called self-transformation. At that point a chemical within the pituitary gland begins to come into the streaming of the body and the body begin to sensate with You as a Being. This body is a genius instrument and it belongs to you as a Being and not to you as a sense of self. The moment you return to being true to your Being, your sense makes only one sense and that one sense is that you are totally innocent. You are innocence, pure Love. Pure Innocence, that is the only sense there really is. Everything else is an illusion.
No Need To Remember This - YOU Are Streaming This Moment
Q: I so know what you are pointing to and my mind is trying to hold onto your words and saying: “ I really, really need to remember this! “
B: Well, hopefully you won't 'remember' it. Hopefully you will let go of the mind's idea that you need to store this. You need to constantly discover this Now, not ‘store it’. The mind is not a just memory bank that you put information into, which is in fact what we are doing since thousands of years. You just need to live this moment totally, so totally that you discover you ARE the Totality already and it comes back in. You will notice that you cannot hold on to this. You mind will forget it, this is why it wants to keep storing it. You don't need to hold on to it but You do need to re-discover this with every breath, with every pulse in your heart and with every moment of life . Rediscover what you first are. The way to do that? Be true to your heart. Then your mind won't be telling you:” You need to remember this.", it will be wide open because You are streaming this. You are streaming this moment of your bliss.
Q: What does that mean - streaming ?
B : If you look at a river, within a river is endless, endless streaming of life. Endless movement of life . Whether a river is being filled by rain coming out of the sky or coming out of the earth, either way a river is being streamed by an ocean. The ocean represents our endless abundant Awareness for that is what we are - the ocean of Awareness. The rivers that come off of that are the singular streams of That expressing what It Is is in a multidimensional manner.
Every one of us of us is a stream of That but is also THAT, the totality. We are already meeting in the unseen levels and those unseen levels are having the opportunity to form themselves through you and I right now. If you see that our constant opportunity is to stream what is Now, you are unblocking the psyche of all of humanity - all the dams of ever believing you needed to think, feel and function from thoughts and feelings that are hand-me-down second rate experiences. You are fresh and you are new.
When you really begin to know this, your life will definitely be turned inside out. You might go through some shocking times as your system empties out your old habit of believing you are 'someone'. You are the very Love that you are looking for. When you allow the whole system of your humanness to empty out and you remain totally open as Awareness in this, the body reconfigures in the likeness of where you're now coming from. You are reborn, like a baby but alive and real and functional. Babies can't function as yet. You are a different kind of baby. You are a gorgeous functional baby of the universe. You are still able to function. A baby is yet to discover it has legs to walk its innermost light. You have a body already! Walk your innermost light. Let that be your way. Don’t imprint it – discover it fresh and new Now.
As I Sit Here With You
As I sit her with you I don't experience experience you outside, I am not experiencing you 'over there' I don't experience ‘experience' as being something external. Your mind is searching the cosmos to give you what you believe you need to be You. But you don't need anything be you. There is nothing you need to be You, Real You - True You.
Awakening
Awakening will stir a lot of your subconscious. What You Are is pure Consciousness, you don't need a sub-consciousness. When we awaken, the deeper realisation of realising what we are within the heart empties out the subconscious. In our transformation we begin to deal with what we didn't fully meet as the Light we really are, in this life. Actually as we really deepen in the realisation that we are the light of pure conscious Awareness, we also begin to meet the conditionality of this world as it is, but we meet it all as the light of Awareness.
Aloneness
The Aloneness you speak of is simply an idea within your mind because it doesn't know who You Are, which is light, the pure light of Love or Awareness. You have not shown your mind that you are not alone as in 'separate'. You are All That Is - Wholeness already. You know this at the core of your heart. There is no such thing as you being on your own - alone . You are the pure light of Oneness. You are the Oneness and you can never be separate for you are the very light in which all this streams and forms.
You Are The One Constant
What doesn't come and go is You. You are Here Now. You are the one constant. Everything else changes but if you look, truly look through the porthole of your heart, You do not change for You are infinite. All changes simply because you are infinite and this level of your infinite expression is in change because it has to keep forming What You Are without beginning and end. That is a movement of Love.
On this level of your light, this formed conditional level is dynamic. If it were static and not dynamic you would be limited. This is why if you identify with your body-mind, with your name and your need for further personal experiences, you make the body that is dynamic, static. You freeze frame your infinite nature and you polarize it in images of your past, in images of what you believe you need in the future. But you are Here and Now. You are vast Awareness, the pure light of Awareness which is manifesting the entire cosmos now.
The 'Here'
The Here is the vast endless space of Awareness - infinite. It moves as Light or Truth and within that Truth, within that Light the cosmos manifests. 'Here' what You Are is open to one level of your infinite nature of form for You are endeavoring to form the Unseen, the Unknown..
Take a look in your creative endeavours, you don't want to create the same thing again and again do you? Yet if you have a look your patterned experience is the same thing, the same thing, the same thing. The same thing within all your creativity is this polarisation that you are ‘a somebody’. The belief that you are a somebody polarises your creativity so all that you actually do is update your creativity. You just change the energy slightly but it is never brand-new, because you are holding onto a particular body mind identity .
When you give your entire presence to the Deep, to the depth of your heart, you realise that you have been living according to self impressions, living according to the conditions that you are told to live.This conditioned realm of you will always give you the same old conditions but the moment you start to awaken to your heart and be deeply true to your heart, this conditional level of your light will unconditionally form the deeper levels of your realisation. This is what truly happens here. As you return to your heart, to your Being, your sense of self begins to dissolve the impressions that you are a particular someone.
The dissolving of your patterned nature shakes everything that you once believed in. All your relationships shake, your relationship to your mind, to your thoughts and to the image in the bathroom mirror. Your relationship to everyone around you and how you function in life will shift and change. If you can go through that eye of the needle of your own heart, you come into your true power, into your true light and you begin to see that all that has been taking place is that you are truly awakening to what You Are beyond this manifestation of the belief that you are a someone. The truth is you are the Only One,the truth is you are the Singularity, you ARE the Love that you ave been looking for.
If you remain true to the deep amongst all the changes that will happen inside and outside of you, without seeking anything for your old way, you come upon your new way, you come upon the truth that You Are the way and that You Are the Light. As you respond to this knowledge you begin to see that this phenomenal form has always been informing your relationship with who you believe you are. When you let go of that limited idea, then the body, instead of remaining static because you have been holding it in an image, becomes vibrantly dynamic. There is a cellular change, a mental change, an emotional change - a change in your field, a complete change in how you see and how you relate. Your whole orientation changes as you begin to see, know and respond as Light itself.
Every Experience You Have
I point towards the truth that every experience you have, whether your mind tells you its positive or negative is You manifesting your belief of who You Are. There is no-one else doing it and the deeper you see into all things without relatedness to the past ( that's a big one for most of us ) the more you see in the deep of this Here and Now moment. Because it is made of You, everything is made of You, everything is made of light. All This including the people next to you is made of light and you are the light of Awareness that everything is made of. So the deeper you see and the deeper you respond to what you see, the more you remember What and Who you are.
A Movement Of The Unseen
Our tendency is to believe that we have a past and a future but we are only existent in this vast Here and Now. We are this vast Here and Now, forming only in the Here and Now. My legs are walking the Here and Now, my hands are movements of the Here and Now. It looks as if it something external and you reach for something but prior to reaching anything outside you have reached something inside and it forms. Your body is a movement of the Unseen coming up and forming - Here and Now.
The Light Prior To Objects
You are the light of Knowing. As the light of Knowing you don't objectify your experience. You know you are light knowing itself. ‘Here’the light of Knowing objectifies, so you think that knowing a bottle is knowing an object but you are knowing the light of Knowing, in other words You are manifesting the bottle. You are knowing ‘someone’ but this manifestation of 'knowing someone' is the light of Knowing manifesting. You want to know the other one because you want to know that you are the light that is prior to the object. That is Love. That is what You Are.
When You Struggle With Another
When you struggle with another you only struggle with the transformation of your self for you are awakening up to what you are as The Self. Your struggle is not understanding that the forms of your Awareness, they are phenomenal forms, they transform only in you being open as Awareness. All phenomenal form transforms in opened Awareness.
Man & Woman - No Such Thing As Spiritual Relationship
Q (woman): I came because I was interested in relationships and so far I heard you speak a lot about the relationship to one’s Being but would you like to share with us something about spiritual relationships?
B: The moment you said ‘spiritual relationships’, I become uninterested because where I come from there is no such thing as a ‘spiritual’ relationship. None whatsoever. That is just another concept. The moment you create a ‘spiritual relationship’ you are creating separation because really, there is only Here and Now. In the Here and Now what seems deeply true in your heart is one with what you deeply are and in being one with what you deeply are, your level of self, if doesn't match that yet, will struggle.
Your heart will close and this is actually a good sign that you are doing well because it presents the opportunity to really see what you are going to belong to? Are you going to belong to the struggle that might say:"This man is not for me"? Your mind and your feeling tell you: “This man is not for me.” but your heart says "Oh yes he is, stay with him!" What are you going to stay with, what your heart says or what your body-mind says ? Are you going to be true to the patterning of the level of woman you believe you are or are you going to be true to what your Being really is? If you do, this will make you an entirely different form of woman. If you belong to this deeper level, this is going to challenge all the patterns inherent in the make up of the body-mind of you as a woman or him as a man. What are you going to belong to?
If you stay true to your heart, unfailingly, even though it doesn't feel good and even though it maybe doesn't look so good outside and all your friends say: “You're crazy being with him.." If you can dismiss all of that, totally and utterly and be true to what you know at the level of the heart, then you are entering the purity of your Being. You are entering the pure Consciousness that You Are prior to all this. This will raise up the woman that you are. You will be a different kind of woman and your mystery will start to unfold in the eyes and heart of the man you are with.
You may not know this, but as a woman, without you doing anything, your mystery is at work within the man's heart, within the man's body and within his mind. It's already at work. You are not doing anything but it is just happening. If he really has seen you, truly seen You beyond your capacity to know you, then that is going to be a pretty good relationship and it is going to move a great deal until there comes some form of of balance. If he cannot see you beyond you, there is actually no point being together.
It really is for you to be true to your deepest level of Being, not to any mental, emotional ideas or anything anyone could possibly say. It is to return to the Source to know ‘He’, prior to body-mind, to know ‘Her’, prior to body-mind for the masculine and feminine principle seek each other in form and if they find you worthy then they will enter the dharma of your relatedness.
If you are truly awakening to God, whatever that is for you, if you are truly loving the Beloved, then that is what you seek to know in a relatedness with another body for that makes your body one body. Two bodies but one embodiment, two hearts but one Knowing, two lights but one Singularity. If you want to realise deeply what you are with another, you must merge so deeply that everything that is unrelated or an illusion will come out. You face it and you dissolve it together until there is no fight left in you. When there is no fight left in you, you will realise The Self.
You may realise what some call Shiva, he may realise what some call Shakti. It is realised ‘here’ (in B) in the Love of woman as God, the divine Shakti, the Bhagawati came out of a woman and said: " There is no Jane , there is only ‘I’, and I will unite you with this Love for I am your Beloved" . It is possible for a woman to realise the Bhagawat or the principle of the Masculine, both being one with Pure Self or Consciousness, for the Bhagawat and the Bhagawati, the Masculine and the Feminine principle ARE One Self. They just appear on this level to be two.
If your calling is to meet the principle of the Masculine as the light of God, if truly you want that, then you will be practicing total openness to what your heart knows within any relatedness with man that your heart brings. It will always cause the death of who you once thought you were on the level of self. You start to die to the belief that you are a separate sense of woman. You will face and be challenged by your own illusion that you are a particular woman. You will face that as he will face his illusion that he is a particular man.
It is still a rare kind of God realisation. It is more rare to have the realisation of the Masculine and Feminine principle within another that you are drawn to, than it is to Self-realise. There are far more people Self-realised than there are men or women that have realise the Bhagawati or the Bhagawat, the principles of the Masculine and Feminine.
But yes, you CAN realise God, if that is the word that touches your heart, with another that is prepared to totally self empty with each breath. Then this is a faster path, although it is pathless, than endeavouring to sit in a cave and realise your Self.
She is Making His Body Of Her Will
Man can realise pure emptiness. Pure emptiness isn't so empty. Pure emptiness is all of Pure Awareness or Pure Consciousness. If he completely surrenders all identification with his body-mind, he can realise that he is That. Then he may realise that from nowhere within the black comes light and that light is the light of Self and it fills up his perception. As it fills up his perception, right there, he can realise the light of the Feminine Principle.
It is quite rare for a man to realise the Feminine - I don't mean a man meets her, I mean the consciousness of the Masculine meets the light of the Feminine but then it has to end up in some form of man that can speak it and by this time he realises he is not actually the man that experienced it. Now the man's body is the embodiment of that realisation.
This is “She” making his body of Her will. Her will is to bring the Masculine all the way into form. That is Her enticement. She wants Shiva totally in Her body, does She not ?
Is There Only One Divine Masculine?
Q: So, as the Divine Feminine you speak of is there only one Divine Masculine waiting for me as a woman?
B: In Essence there is only one. How that manifests for you on this level, let your Essence bring it along. In this what appears to be a sexual play, in other words the calling to be together as man and woman you have to discover whether it is sexual in terms of 'needing something for your self' or whether you are beginning to discover that sexuality is not located at the root chakra, that it is actually the light of the heart and there is nothing you could possibly know in existence that is not made of pure sexuality. Every choice you ever make, you Awareness, whilst you have a body, is a movement of pure energy and pure consciousness that manifests the experience of where you are now coming from.
How many men you might have to experience or women you might have to experience to discover this I don't know. You might have many experiences with man or with woman but eventually if you really stay awake amongst that, you will find out there is only One.
If you are trying to fulfil your self instead of fulfilling your deeper belonging to your Being at the level of your heart, you are fooling yourself and sexual games will never match the light of your heart. When you belong to your heart, which is the seat of your Being, there is pure sexuality and one becomes the pure movement of pure Being and pure sexuality. It the same energy that is manifesting the cosmos because the same energy in Consciousness that is manifesting the cosmos is manifesting each and everyone of us in this Here and Now moment.
You Want The Actuality Of Love, Not The Object Of Love
Whether you are objectifying a man or a woman or any 'thing', you have to return that man, that woman or that thing in your consciousness by no longer objectifying. The object only points to the Subject of the light of the Feminine and the light of the Masculine.
When you cease being familiar with you, with your self in the bathroom mirror and stop being familiar with the one who you are drawn to, you will enter the non-objective state of Love. That is what you really want. You don't want the objects of Love, you want the actuality of Love, which is God or Truth. It is very rare for that to arrive on this planet but it is what this planet is meant for, the non-objective manifestation of Shakti and Shiva, the Bhagawati and the Bhagawat, the feminine and masculine principle. No trace of time, no trace of self, that is the pure Masculine and Feminine. To have this in an apparent form is what this planet is meant for; the divining of the form from what you man and woman actually are in Essence. It will cost you all that you believed was for you as a separate sense of self. It is no little thing to realise so deeply.
You want direct and immediate experience, which is beyond separation. This why you would ever come to any kind of Tantra calling with another, because not only do you want to realise God, you want God actually in your arms, actually on your lips, actually inside your body - actually embodied. You want to manifest that so that you realise that the formless and the form are the same One.
